Dear Miss Crow,
I am writing to you in relation to your unspeakably dire new album Detours. I find it to be a most rotten dirge. A pus ridden inflammation on the cornea of decency. Every second of its duration is an offence. However, there is one song in particular that annoys me more than the others. It is called "Gasoline".
In depth criticism of your efforts here could go on forever, so I shall be swift... What in the name of Gandhi's crusty gooch is that chorus about?
"Gasoline will be free, will be free! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" (Repeat 4 times)
Ok then. Sheryl, I'm imagining that this is your feeble attempt at some sort of socio-environmental commentary. If so, please have another glance at your lyrics there petal. A few problems lie within, don't you think?
First off, if gasoline was to somehow become a magically gratis natural resource, how would this be a good thing? Let us ignore the immediate and devastating collapse of the world's economy for a moment, and deal with your proclamation on a purely ecological level... You are, or are you not, an obsessive enviromentalist? So, if gas - or petroleum as it is known in the evolved English - was suddenly the cheapest natural resource on the planet, what would that instigate? Oh yeah, its consumption on a heretofor unprecedented scale! Excuse me if I'm incorrect here, but wouldn't that completely fuck up Auntie Earth quicker than we're managing already? However, I suppose you could use as many sheets of bog roll as you'd want in this apocalyptic eventuality. Every acid rain cloud has its sulphuric lining, wha?
Secondly, in case you counter with an argument for the chorus' resonance on a metaphorical level, I shall just say this... The freedom of gasoline as a metaphor? The intensely distilled and fossilised remains of extinct creatures... Ok... Which whereupon the surface of the earth shall be set free - your words - to wreak their well documented devastation on every biological milieu they infiltrate... Right...
You're one mad twit Sheryl. With one terrible new album.
The New(ish) Journalist.