Tuesday 27 May 2008

The New(ish) Gaming Industry Tycoon

String Quartet for XBox 360. The must have gift this Christmas.

Good evening folks! Fancy a bit of gaming industry gossip? The New(ish) Journalist is on the cusp of a major contract with the makers of Rock Band. Inspired by the screaming relevance and intelligence of said game, I approached said industry folks with the following two words: String Quartet. "Imagine the joy", I said, "as you and a couple of mates rock out to some nuanced Gustav Mahler compositions over some Merlot and hazelnut foie gras!" Sacks of cash were instantly flung in my direction. A Christmas deadline now looms ominously on my horizon.

They also responded positively to a few of my other ideas.
Accordion Hero was greeted with a particular rapture. Unfortunately the proposal hinges utterly on the acquisition of the entire back catalogues of Sharon Shannon and Foster & Allen. We're hopeful. In addition, Jew's Harp Hero and Barbershop Quartet are being focus grouped. Initial feedback is promising.

What can I say? I'm an ideas man. Always have been, always will be. I don't just think outside the box. I tear the box asunder, make a paper/cardboard airplane out of the remnants, and then fling it directly into the corneas of my competition. Their tears please me.


ronan said...

make sure to get ronald on board for ace tastic tunes!


slurkid57 said...

Fuck that hipster shit - come work wit me on my independent release video game.

It's an isometric perspective, cyberpunk RPG, with non-linear gameplay, retro graphics and an AI generated, dub reggae soundtrack. It's gonna be huge.

Anonymous said...

Based on my experiences in Dublin I've been trying to Rockstar to make my concept game "Grand Theft Bicycle"

John Cav said...

Ronan: Ronald is quite ace. Alas, he don't really fit in with the refined String Quartet aesthetic.

Slurkid: What's this paradigm obliterating game going to be called?

Mytopfive: An idea with definite potential sir. Perhaps even a franchise would be possible? Set one in Limerick. Call it, well, erm, "Grand Theft Auto".

A cheap shot, I know.

Brian J said...

This has been done before many times. Even last sunday, Xbox Live's public figure Major Nelson said he wanted String Quartet hero. Here's another post on alternative guitar hero/ rock band games:


GTA Limerick is old too:

I'm not trying to be a hard ass all the time so here's a genuine question: where's the new blog you were planning out a while back?

John Cav said...

Brian J: To be honest, I'm not quite sure what your point is in relation to my String Quartet 'pitch'. Other people have come up with the same idea before. So are you saying that I'm a plagiarist? Because I would take considerable issue with such an allegation. Also, I would like to offer Accordion Hero - with added Foster & Allen jibe - and Jew's Harp Hero as examples of my comic ingenuity/idiocy.

Not that the repetition of such pitches should be in any way relevant really. You see, I find Rock Band to be a painfully moronic proposition. Just buy a fucking guitar you docile plebs! Ironies such as String Quartet TM, be they repetitive, stale or - God forbid - unfunny were merely put forward by me to underline my detestation for this game. If said detestation did not saturate said ironies sufficiently for one to avoid focusing on said ironies, then I apologise.

By the way, I'm fully aware that I am not the only person in the world who thinks the game is retarded. I'm not pioneering any great Wisdom here. I merely like to revert to vitriolic cynicism/soapbox mode on The New(ish) Journalism every so often to garner a few chuckles.

Grand Theft Auto jokes about Limerick are old? I had absolutely no idea. How ironic then that I referred to my joke as a "cheap shot". One might almost take that as an admission of the staleness of my joke. Almost.

Finally, my new blog is very much in the pipeline. I'm hopeful that it won't suck too much. A July opening (?) is looking likely. Thanks for asking :)

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