Thursday 20 March 2008

Lawrence Of Arabia. In Topman.

INT - A Trendy High Street Mens Clothing Boutique. By The Accessories Stand.

A man dressed entirely in white robes strides up to an immaculately coiffured but quite vacuous shop assistant. The man in white robes is none other than T.E. Lawrence, a man perhaps more popularly known as Lawrence Of Arabia. He carries himself with an unmistakable air of dignity and decorum. Derek, the assistant, is texting somebody with unerring rapidity. He does not even glance at his newest customer.

Lawrence Of Arabia:
Good day to you sir! I was wondering if you could be of assistance.

Derek exhales slightly. He still refuses to look up. He tosses his fringe in a spasm of misguided nonchalance. His thumb is a blur.

Lawrence Of Arabia:
Indeed... You see young man, I am about to embark on another military expedition with my Arab cohorts - their rebellion being most dear to me - and I wish to acquire some much needed clothing and supplies... First off, where do you keep your keffiyehs?

Derek:
Our wha?

Lawrence Of Arabia:
You know, your keffiyehs. I saw some youths gathered outside the local phonograph emporium. They were all wearing keffiyehs. And when I inquired as to where they obtained them, they said to come here.

Derek:
Wha?

Lawrence Of Arabia:
Damn it man, do you not even know what a keffiyeh is?

Derek:
Afraid not bud.

Lawrence Of Arabia:
How bastard tiresome of you!

Lawrence then storms out of the shop, knocking over a basket of checkered neon belts and string vests on sale for €2. Derek is about to settle back into his texting groove when another customer slowly enters the shop... It is Yasser Arafat.

Derek:
Alright Yasser man! Those new scarves you ordered came in! They're deadly, go really well with me scruffy Cons.

Yasser Arafat:
Sweet.

7 comments:

slurkid57 said...

That story makes no sense. Lawrence, Arafat and Derek are all dead.

Also Derek, a longstanding member of the Yashmag Soc. of Ireland, would have known what a keffiyeh. They only put him in the ground a few short days ago, and already you're smearing his good name. That man was the best damn shop assistant the Topshop on Grafton St ever saw.

That other Derek who works in the Jervis Centre, now he's a total muppet.

Benjamin Netanyahu said...

Faggots. The lot of em.

John Cav said...

Slurkid: Derek was a charlatan. His political inclinations were reactionary and drenched in clichéd student rhetoric. Also, the models he put together in Grafton Street always looked atrocious... There, I've said it.

Benjamin: That's not your real name.

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