An Irishman has been defined as somebody who would trample over twelve naked women to reach a bottle of Guinness.
"He was a good husband to me," sobbed Bridget after Pat had died, "he always hit me with the soft end of the mop."
Definition of an Irish gentleman - One who never strikes a lady without provocation.
Pat was telling Bridget off because of the size of the household bills.
"Look at this gas bill," he roared, "you and your unsuccessful suicide attempts!"
"Different times". Total arsehole.