Thursday 4 October 2007

Transformers 2 - A Michael Bay Sequel

First up, this is Megan Fox in the first Transformers movie. If you have not seen the first one, this is pretty much it right here:




Sigh.
It has all been confirmed. Decency, creativity, and the concept of film-as-art-form are now certain to be violated once more by the gargantuan salty strap-on that is Michael Bay's ego... Yes, there will be a sequel... Yes, he is directing again... The release date for this impending sodomy: June 26, 2009.

There is a new writer, Ehren Kruger. Yet his arrival on the scene offers little hope. Previous credits include Scream 3, Reindeer Games, and The Skeleton Key... Such a triumvirate of rubbish from just one man. It beggars belief.

As somebody who would dearly love to forge a career as a writer/director, the endurance of Michael Bay aggravates me intensely. Let me put it this way...

"Hey John! We're gonna go see the new Michael Bay movie, wanna come?"

"No thanks guys! I've got plans."

"What plans?"

"Well, I'm just gonna stay in for the night, be lectured on racial equality by Kevin Myers, whilst being given a striptease by a hormonal Twink... It should be just as enjoyable really!"

7 comments:

Claire said...

Amen!! Michael Bay and his partner-in-crime Jerry Bruckheimer have an awful lot to answer for.

John Cav said...

Claire: So, so true. I know a lot of people might say that its just entertainment, a silly popcorn movie. I have absolutely no problem with those movies! Nothing beats a good one in fact. Raiders Of The Lost Ark, The Goonies, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Die Hard, Toy Story... All pure Hollywood entertainment. Yet all possessing cohesive narratives, warmly constructed characters, and some actual drama!

The term "popcorn movie" should not be permitted to excuse putrid pyrotechnic drivel like Transformers. Unfortunately, such drivel is all that Mr. Bay has ever produced, directed, ejaculated.

David O'Mahony said...

That picture kept me distracted from work for a good 15 minutes. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

John Cav said...

David: It would seem that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining :)

BRENDAN said...

so wait...let me get this... you didn't like Transformers right....

ok I haven't seen it but surely that girl is worth the ticket price?

John Cav said...

Brendan: I'm not joking dude. That photo is it... You've just watched Transformers - The New(ish) Journalism/Humane Cut right there.

Richard said...

FYI, Claire... Jerry Bruckheimer wasn't a producer on Transformers. You'll have to take up your issue with SPIELBERG instead. ;)