Monday 10 September 2007

An Open Letter To The Internet Fanboy

Peter Jackson and his next movie The Lovely Bones. The fans expect. Too much?

To whom it may concern,

The blogosphere is the milieu of the zealot. Hell truly hath no fury like a fanboy's scorn. It would not be an excessive statement to declare the botched film adaptation one of the greatest instigators of Internet Fury. Infinite cross-sections of blogs and forums would indicate that nothing hurts more than seeing one's favourite novel, comic, computer game or TV series massacred by a talentless director... Why won't Hollywood learn dude?! Fidelity to the source is paramount. Or is it?

I am currently reading The Conversations: Walter Murch and the Art of Editing Film by Michael Ondaatje. A fantastic read. A quote (Ondaatje, p.126):

The writer and filmmaker Henry Bean told me a story of a writer who had been approached by someone who said. "Can you believe what that film producer did to your book!" And the writer replied, "He did nothing to my book."

"Nothing to my book." Cazart! Take heed! Regardless of how the film adaptation turns out, it can take nothing from the source. The inspiration (your obsession) remains untainted... Believe me, detachment is what you should seek my friends. If the writer mentioned above can so easily remove himself from the perceived malaise, why then does your vicarious fixation persist? Learn to let go guys and the brain bubbles will cease. Premature balding can be a thing of the past. Interaction with the opposite sex a marvellous possibility. (An easy stereotype, an ugly truth.)

Yet if you decide against such wisdom, then at least acquire a decent thesaurus. What in the name of Jehovah does "pwned" mean? You rabid twits!

To finalise, a dash of poetry. A trio of lines from One Art by Elizabeth Bishop (1975):

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Or something. Just cop on guys. It's only a story.

Yours in indifference,

Delightful McAdjective aka The New(ish) Journalist.

And the Pompous Post of the Month Award goes to... Fuck it.

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