Whilst on the topic of transport - and heeding the advice of The Swearing Lady - I have decided to share with you a short tale. A tale of a train trip. A train trip that occurred yesterday:
At 15:46 I took my seat aboard the 16:00 train from Dublin to Ennis. At 17:20 we eventually left Heuston; the delay caused by "something that happened somewhere along the line". An exact quote from our conductor. Reassuring.
At 16:25ish, a young couple sat across from me with their cute, relatively newborn baby. At 16:45ish the baby shat itself. At 16:47ish the young couple realised they were out of nappies. Sooo... the baby wailed like an autistic banshee from Heuston to Thurles. Without a single moment's respite. The stench was even more endearing. Such parenting.
Eventually we arrived at Limerick for our transfer to Ennis to find that there was no train awaiting. Instead, Iarnród Eireann had decided to ship every valued customer to Ennis in taxis... Shared taxis, of course.
With some trepidation and a chronic headache I sat into the back of my cab. Soon after another young couple decided to join me in the back seat... In the midst of a blazing row... That continued to escalate all the way to Ennis. Apparently, she is a "dirty cheating cunt". He is "hung like a shit midget". (Brilliant.)
Thankfully neither shat themselves. Every cloud, wha?