Thursday 7 June 2007

One Good Turn...

Ah... Ennis... I do truly love thee. Oh town of towns. Oh cultural and spiritual oasis of cultural and spiritual oases... Had quite an interesting summer's amble through the town of my origin this afternoon. The following things happened:
As I sat on a riverside bench reading a recently acquired copy of Charles Bukowski's "Factotum", I was greeted purposefully by two old schoolmates. Their greeting ran thusly: "Hey Johnny, still reading books 'n shit yeah? Fuckin' nerd." As they walked away, one of the fine young gents then threw an almost full can of Tuborg in my direction, narrowly missing a nearby infant in a pram and soaking the child's mother in the tepid piss brew... Bukowski could only have dreamed of creating characters so penurious and devoid of redemption. It is seven years since I left secondary school.
Later on, as I walked home I witnessed an infirm old lady crossing the road. She dropped her shopping whilst halfway across the street and got quite upset. I doubled back and helped her pick everything up. With difficulty I might add, as her produce was mostly tinned and the street ran unhelpfully downhill. Eventually, success was ours and we arrived at the footpath. Whereon she suddenly decided to loudly and vehemently accuse me of attempting to rob her. On hearing this, and although formerly oblivious, her daughter-in-law tore herself from the Dutch Gold supping primate she was chatting to and procceeded to tear strips off me. In broad daylight. On a busy road... After momentary and fruitless explanation on my part, I did what only I could. As the charming daughter-in-law advised, I fucked off. With haste.
What a relaxing stroll. My faith in my fellow man has never been higher... I used to think shit like that shopping mishap only happened in second rate Ben Stiller rom coms. I was wrong.


Colm said...

Brilliant. As a fellow Bannerman, I have to say I am shocked to read this however. Then again, I'm West Coast. Dutch Gold never made it past Kilmaley.

John Cav said...

Alas, these days the curse of the Dutch Mould knows no boundaries. The man looked so unevolved. Unsettling. Well, at least I got an entry out of it.