Tuesday 12 June 2007

The Bebo "Friend Stories"

Those of us who partake in the sociological imperative that is Bebo will recently have noticed a new facet to the site's limitless gimmick armoury... The "Friend Story". Bouncing baby Gandhi on a particularly arthritic elephant, who is employed to come up with this nefarious drivel?

For those of you unaware (you lucky people, cease reading immediately), the Bebo "Friend Story" works like this. Brace yourselves... You open the "Friend Stories" page. You tick a box saying how you know your chosen friend/acquaintance - Family, Through A Friend, School Or College, Childhood Friends, Met Randomly, Through Bebo etc. You then have the option of further elaborating on your mutual connection via a maximum of 300 words. Or vice versa, you receive a "Friend Story" from your friend/acquaintance asking you to confirm the validity of their story... Erm, that's it.

This is one of the most excruciatingly moronic concepts I have encountered in a long while. A dangerously sharp intake of pungent air, and here goes... Firstly, a single ticked box and a longer than average sentence hardly constitutes a bloody story. The seanchaí of bygone ages would certainly have struggled to weave a lyrical tale with the product of this format... "Let me tell you a tale of a love unrequited, of persons unable to belong, Fionnula and Conchúr... Conchúr was Fionnula's Friend. They had known each other all the way through college. Mad yokes they were, especially in Copper's. Great craic :)" Oh, I'm so riveted and enlightened.

Secondly, if you are Bebo friends with someone, and I'm going way out on a reckless limb here, but you're probably already fucking aware of how you know each other! Furthermore, and once more we enter the realm of wild assumption, most of your Bebo friends probably already know each other. Therefore, they too already know how you know each other. Erego, nobody is in fact enlightened by the Bebo "Friend Story". Not your mutual friends and acquaintances, already knowledgeable of the basic mechanics of your relationship. Nor the Bebo "Friend Story" scribe or the Bebo "Friend Story" muse, as there is a total lack of care or attention applied to the procedure. It's as cold as ice, completely sans emotional sacrifice...

Maybe it is just my poetic soul, but I would require a sprawling tome from any of my chosen brethren in life's ceaseless meander. Volumes of intricately woven papyrus, bound by the joyous and grateful tears of their compiler. Tales of a soul destitute and forlorn until the searing illumination of my presence eased all pain... So Bebo Friends, please do not send me such a dim and inadvertently antagonistic "Friend Story". It does hurt me so.

Spleen vented. I need a smoothie.

9 comments:

antrophe said...

I think its some sort of automated thing though, as I can't imagine anyone I know going to the bother of ticking such nonsense. No one ever event leaves a moronic sentence description of how we met, leading me to think its an automated thing, the spamming emails coming from it are a curse on humanity. .

John Cav said...

Oh, how I was it were so antrophe. I have received stories with such sentences attached. As misguided as these senders are, I am still fond of them, and so they shall remain anonymous... Sigh.

Anonymous said...

shut up

John Cav said...

Touché anonymous. Touché.

Anonymous said...

I find that people just tick a box, which i can guess they would have ticked in the first place!

Some people are a little more imaginative and tick a box with a comment completely random.

How i hate bebo.

John Cav said...

I hate it too. Yet I love it more.

Bebo: perhaps the singular most influential Irish sociological imperative in centuries! Repent outcasts! Facebook is a false prophet! Etc.

Anonymous said...

Don't be such a snob. Why is ticking a box "moronic"? Its for your friends to see how you know your other friends. It's quite interesting and informative ie if your friend has a friend from school/college and you also went to that school.college there's a fair chance you might know them.

If you don't like it you know what to do.

A man who likes steak. said...

If you don't like Bebo, don't use it. Simple as. There's no need to lose sleep over it. I like friends stories. I think it takes more intelligence to fit what you want to say into three hundred words than it does to puke out a page of moany trash such as this "article".

John said...

Anonymous: That really is an incredibly uninteresting scenario. Sorry.

Steak Man: Oh my! My "article" certainly seems to have offended you! We didn't "hook up" before did we?